CHICAGO—Turning the hulking fortress of a sandwich slowly in his fingers to seize a 360-degree view of his goal, native man Branden Zielinski was reportedly conducting a radical perimeter inspection Thursday to search out probably the most weak entry level to his hamburger. “Jesus Christ, this can be a powerful one—I’m an skilled, however these layers of lettuce and cheese are mainly impenetrable,” mentioned Zielinski, who set the burger again down on his plate and caught a knife into the center of the bun earlier than aborting the try and choosing it again up once more. “I’m tempted to dive proper in, however I do know I have to transfer cautiously and intentionally in order to not get damage. One mistaken transfer and wham—it may very well be completely over. Sauce in every single place.” At press time, Zielinski was shopping for his reconnaissance operation extra time by investigating the fries.